ON FOSSILS, HOPE, AND HELPING

In which I am reminded we are only as strong as our community - as our dedication to one another.

I’ve gone and fallen in love with a girl from Canada. Unexpected, I know, what with my distaste for cold weather and take it or leave it feelings around maple. I suppose it is proof, more than anything, that the heart wants what the heart wants. Falling in love with her has improved my life in every conceivable way. I cannot stress that enough. It has also resulted in me reading more Margaret Atwood in the last year than in all previous ones combined. Another gift she has given me - and maybe one of the greatest given our great American predicament. In all I’ve read of Atwood’s writings about totalitarianism there is a singular line that has been on repeat in my mind since January 20th. It has become a kind of meditation - and an absolute rallying cry as I work through what comes next.

”Very little in history is inevitable.”

- Margaret Atwood, from the acknowledgements of The Testaments

I have a favorite fossil. (I know this is a non-sequester from loving a Canadian and her literature, but stay with me.) 

In 1957 in Iraqi Kurdistan, while excavating Shanidar Cave, an archeologist found what seemed to be a Neanderthal burial ground - or at least a place where intentional burial practices were observed. In this space they found a specimen that came to be known as Shanidar 1.

Shanidar 1 is my favorite fossil.

Shanidar 1 is far from a perfect specimen of the Neanderthal. He had been hit incredibly hard on the left side of his head crushing his left eye socket leaving him blind in that eye and very likely left him at least partially deaf. The injury would have also resulted in serious brain damage. He was very likely at least partially paralyzed on the right side of his body and eventually had to have his right arm amputated from the elbow down. Because of these injuries Shanidar 1 would not have been able to hunt or gather or protect the tribe in traditional ways. It is unlikely he would have been able to start or tend a fire alone. If he could walk, it would have been with great effort and support. He would have needed help in just about every aspect of his life.

And he got that help - for decades.

That, to me, is what is so special about Shanidar 1. His injury happened when he was very young - and he lived to be old. Not just for a person with a serious injury, but for any Neanderthal.

In a time we often look at as peak survival of the fittest Shanidar 1 survived despite being far from the fittest… because his community took care of him.

Shanidar 1 lived to be an old man because he was loved.

And I think that is really fucking beautiful.

It is also a gorgeous reminder that deep within our human lineage, from as far back as we can trace the beginnings of people as we know them today, love and compassion have been defining us far more than the telling of history would have us believe. As Will Durant reminds us in the The Story of Civilization, “Civilization is a stream with banks. The stream is sometimes filled with blood from people killing, stealing, shouting, and doing things historians usually record — while, on the banks, unnoticed, people build homes, make love, raise children, sing songs, write poetry, whittle statues. The story of civilization is the story of what happens on the banks.” 

It is the banks that truly define us.

This sucks. The second Trump Presidency has been a never ending nightmare, a dumpster fire of bullshit, a constant barrage of hate and fear mongering and idiocy. The gaslighting and doublespeak and lies are crazy-making. People are being hurt every single day in ways that are nothing but senseless and cruel. It’s awful and stupid and I don’t have eloquence around it. I’m not there yet. I don't know if I'll ever get there. I’m stuck with the prosaic for the time being, and, frankly, I’m good with it. Because, well, this really fucking sucks and I don’t want to dress it up. 

I also don’t want to give into despair. 

It would be so easy. There is nothing simpler than despair. Especially when so much bad is happening. But I just don’t believe that is the correct response to the chaos and destruction before us. The world is changing, it is always changing. The way things are is not the way things will always be. The problem is that for most of my lifetime I have had the privilege of assuming the change would be positive. But that is not the truth of change. 

Change is inevitable, but the kind of change - progressive, regressive - is a choice we make every day. 

And despair is the fuel of regressive change. 

Despair leaves a broken boy behind because he is just too far gone. Despair leaves a broken boy behind because won’t be able to help himself or others in the expected way. Despair leaves a broken boy behind because all that matters is survival. 

Despair lies and makes you believe history is inevitable, and it simply isn’t; because people are made to love and the only correct response to love is hope.

And hope is the fuel for progressive change.

Hope carries a broken boy back home believing he can be saved. Hope cares for and cherishes a broken boy as he becomes an old man because being a person - because love - is reason enough. Hope includes everyone, even a broken boy growing into an old man because it knows survival doesn’t matter without other people. 

Hope knows that very little in history is inevitable because it is the banks that define us, not the stream.

In our current media environment - with everything that is going on all at once - it is so easy to watch the carnage flow down river and forget that history is being made on the banks. That history is made inevitable not because of the stream, but because of our work on the banks while the stream flows.

It is why it is so essential we make art and fall in love with Canadian girls with Irish eyes and megawatt smiles. It is why we should never stop reading great books and talking about them. It is why, above all, it is important we help each other when we can, how we can, as often as we can.

Shanidar 1 lived to be an old man because he was loved... and love helps.

We are only as strong as our community - as our dedication to one another. It is through grassroots efforts and mutual aid that we will be able to survive, to thrive. I encourage everyone reading this to find ways to help in their community - and in the sapphic literature community as well. One conscious action every week, one small way you can help your community be a place where everyone gets to not just survive but thrive.

Today I invite you to take that one conscious action by joining me in supporting my dear friend Jamie Rose. Y’all will likely know her as JamieGeeksOut on social media and here where she writes incredible reviews of sapphic literature. She is a bright light in the sapphic literature community and one of my all time favorite humans. She is the kind of person who makes the world better by simply being. She is also one of the most authentic people I’ve ever met, and as a trans woman living in the southern part of the United States, it has not been easy. With the Trump administration coming into power, Jamie has decided it is time to get bottom surgery before attacks on trans people - especially trans women - make it even more difficult to be her authentic self. As gender-affirming care is not considered essential in the part of the country where Jamie lives, her insurance will not be covering the cost of the procedure or the travel essential to receiving the care she needs.

That is where we come in.

I have partnered with Ana Hartnett and Lauren Eve - brilliant writers and friends - to set up an online auction and GoFundMe to help Jamie pay for the costs of her surgery. It should not be so difficult - or expensive - for a person to simply be who they are. Let’s help make it a little easier for Jamie.

All proceeds from this fundraiser will go to Jamie to pay for her medical and travel expenses as she accesses the medical care she needs. Jamie and her family will donate any funds remaining at the end of her care to an organization she will announce at a later date that helps trans people in the South get the care and support they need.

You can check out the auction here. We have over seventy incredible items from some of the most popular sapphic writers currently writing. Everything from signed and annotated books to coaching sessions and AMAs with some incredible - and outrageously successful - writers to original artwork by sapphic artists changing the game. It is live now and will be live until Monday March 10 at 5pm EST. 

You can also donate directly to Jamie’s care via her GoFundMe here which will remain live until we meet our goal or Jamie gets her procedure.

Thank you all for being a part of this community. Thank you for being a place where I can always find hope and community and know I belong. You, each of you, are a gift to me and to this community. 

Let’s build something beautiful on the banks today. What do you say?